It’s never too late for teenage angst

Even if you’re 20. Cause I’m 20. And I’m at this point in my life when I’m pleading my mom to allow me to drive on my own.

Let’s get things straight. Driving lessons? Check. Mad driving skillz? Not. But driving skills? Yes, still. Driving experience? Yes. Driver’s license? Yes. Car? Check. Where??? Where is the freaking thing on my checklist that I didn’t get to check (except for the mad skillz! which I will acquire, eventually, you will see)??

My mom. Haha. I don’t know, but she just won’t let me. She has seen me drive, she’s okay with it. She’s been my passenger, she was calm. And that’s a feat! But she won’t let me ((

I try to have a life, and I don’t want any driver waiting for me somewhere out there. Because it’s just heartless to have someone wait for you for hours and hours while you’re having fun regardless if they even get overcompensated for it. I like it when people get to go home and stay with their families and sleep and not wait for some girl who’s doing nothing important anyway in some place at night. At times like this, my options are either to commute or to have a friend drive me home. But when I don’t have a driver friend, I’m left with commuting, which is tedious and scary especially late at night.

So I told my mom that she should really allow me to drive on my own, especially at times when I have to go home late. And she said, “Kahit hatinggabi na??”. UHM DUH. What’s the point of learning how to drive when I still tag the driver along all the time. Am I like your fire extinguisher that’s for emergency use only? Hello world. Do not break glass in case of fire.

Nobody understands me.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA EMO SHIT. Really, I was just  trying to get rid of my writer’s block. I promise, no more emo shit. Unless there’s an emergency, in which case I would have to burst again. Just like your friendly fire extinguisher.

Then, Eight

I have this habit of going through racks and racks of greeting cards when I’m in a bookstore. I like reading them all. And then if I stumble upon something that would be perfect for someone I know, I buy it even though the occasion would be months away. I’m just always afraid of not being able to get that card when the occasion comes and eventually regretting as in “I should have bought it already blah blah blah.”

Early last year, I came upon the best “happy birthday Dad!” card. It was so funny that I showed it to my dad even if his birthday was months away yet, but then I took it back because it wasn’t his birthday. I kept it one of my many folders in one of my many cabinets in which I store almost everything I deem important, and waited for my dad’s birthday to come.

Today I discovered a virus on my computer and so opted to make a back-up copy of all my files because I knew that sooner or later I would have to reformat. For some reason, when I was just supposed to organize my files, I ended up cleaning my whole room. I almost turned the room upside-down; I never felt like cleaning my room this badly, in fact I’m not even done yet and I’ll just continue some other day. But while I was looking through old pieces of papers, I saw the card that I bought for my father.

It’s January 18, it’s been 8 months since he died. The card would have been given a month ago — his birthday was December 18. It really saddened that I have no one to give the perfect card to anymore ever, cause you know, we only get one father each. And that card was perfect for my dad. But then again, I guess I’m glad I was able to show him the card anyway. At least he knew about it.

For now, though, I’m still thinking of where the card should go.

He was a happy man like that.

Hello, lovely morning

I was planning to wake up late today because it’s my last chance to wake up late because tomorrow means back to school meaning no more oversleeping (supposedly)! But I woke up relatively early and I was crying to boot. It wasn’t necessarily a bad dream but it made me cry anyway. I’m such a crybaby! But I’m over it. Moving on..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I think new years are overrated.

On other news… no, there are no other news. I have no more time for drama today because I have already reached my drama quota of the day when I woke up crying. Keriboomboombye!

When you don’t have much of a life

He could have been older

Yesterday was 7 months after his death, and also could have been his 56th birthday. Double whammy. You see, despite the supposed festive mood of the day — last day of classes, Lantern Parade, and the unofficial countdown to the official start of the Christmas break — my brothers, my mom and I were pretty un-festive that day. Obviously.

UP Food

It’s one week until  Christmas break, and after Christmas break, it will be more or less 3 months until graduation. Me = not excited. But life goes on, and so should I.

When I first entered UP as an official university student, I had a few goals (which excluded graduation — because really, that’s just obvious).  Most of my goals are stupid, but it would be really nice if I achieve them. Yes, they’re not jaw-dropping accomplishments, but they are still accomplishments!

Without further blah, can I just say that my goal is to be able to eat in ALL eating places in UP. That includes all fishball stalls and all kiosks and all the stalls in CASAA and all misplaced higher level restaurants! Yes, I am an official social pig-out-er! I guess I’m halfway from achieving it yet, but I have tiime in my hands! The inner pig in me, it’s… GROWLING! RARR!

The hot giant FA siomai!

The orange isaw place! Where you should never ask questions to enjoy your food.

And THE LEGENDARY CASAA! That if you hadn't been changing clothes, you'd think every experience there is deja vu.

Oh UP food, I’m gonna miss you so much.

Mabuting impluwensiya

Minsan nagtataka ako kung bakit ang mga bata ngayon (and I mean ang mga batang elementary-high school) e walang patawad mag-camwhore. Iniisip ko dati, baka dahil time ito ng Multiply at social networking, at mas cool ka pag mas maraming photos ang albums mo. Tsaka para din marami kang options pag pipili ka na ng profile picture mo.

But no. Kaya sila ganyan ka-vain ay dahil may role model sila, at sino pa ba namang ibang kinalakhang role model ng mga batang Pinoy kundi si Jollibee:

Vanity =/

WHOA creepy *disturbing Jollibee sexy scandals enter my mind*

Nalurlurr talaga akesh nang nakita ko to. Magkaka-Jollibee orgasm ka sa dami ng makikita mong mukha niya. Di ko maalala kung san exactly ko ito nakita, basta on the way to Binondo one hot December afternoon, yan ang tumambad sakin. Maagang pamasko ni Jollibee!

RIP Johnny Delgado

JUAN MARASIGAN FELEO aka JOHNNY DELGADO February 29, 1948 - November 19, 2009

I have never been affected by showbiz deaths. I just didn’t care. But when I heard about Johnny Delgado’s death during dinner tonight, I was genuinely saddened.

Johnny Delgado reminded me of my father. So much. They kinda look alike actually, but my dad’s built and personality — very Johnny Delgado. In some of Johnny Delgado’s pictures, he looked like Papa from afar. Johnny Delgado was one of Papa’s idols, next to or maybe at par with FPJ. Johnny Delgado was one of Papa’s favorites. When I was younger, I would catch Papa watching really corny sitcoms just because Johnny Delgado was in them. Papa dreamed of meeting Johnny Delgado in person.

I hope they had met already.

Mr. Johnny Delgado, you will be missed. You are a legend.

P.S. Why are there so many deaths this year?

Six

One random day in Baguio (I took the picture. haha.) Yay for family members.

It’s been six months. It’s starting to become a little less painful to accept. Or maybe I’m just getting used to it?

If I would read this aloud, I would be very tired

It has always been my problem that my life is so boring, but I think my problem now is I’m not even sure if my life is boring or not. Maybe having time to philosophize as to whether  my life is boring or not is actually proof that my life is boring, but what the hell. I wonder why I always go through these kinds of circular dilemmas that go round and round and then at the end of the paragraph I just say “what the hell”. What the hell. Even merely contemplating about how boring or non-boring my life is bores me. What the hell.

It’s my last semester in college. Yay. Not yay. What the hell.

I have 13 more units to go endure, acads sounds pretty easy, but no, acads is never easy in UP. I have 2 majors, an elective, and one sort of required elective (oxymoron!), but they’re all heavy. The majors are just heavy as they are and the non-majors are so reading heavy. The Philo elective requires me to read the kind of stuff I tried to escape from in SocSci2 (read: dropped) but it’s fine. At least this time I have no choice but to blame myself because I can’t say “I didn’t know what I was going into!” anymore. And for goodness’ sake, I have to graduate. My aversion to Sociology still lingers despite the idea that once I enroll in  a Socio class everything will get along pretty well. I don’t know if it’s their jargons or just the sociologists’ way of writing that’s so complex which makes it hard for me to absorb, but it’s realllllly hard to absorb. I’m in page 5 of 10 of what I’m reading and I still don’t get what the main idea of the prose is. What the hell.

LAE’s looming and I’m not very nervous, probably because I have finally opened my doors to other law schools. I am not gonna die for UP Law anymore, Ateneo sounds like an equally good school anyway and there are a lot of law schools in the country as well. Regardless of what law school I go to, I know that I just have to finish law and be a lawyer. I might practice, I might not(!), but I’ll cross the bridge when I get there. Yuck, cliche. I hate cliches. What the hell. As for the LAE, I feel pretty prepared already. I don’t know if that’s enough for me to pass but I know that I tried to study for it. I have to improve a lot on my English and Math (but that’s just like saying I have to improve in everything since the exam is pretty much just English and Math haha). I’m not sure if I still have to do some self-study or something, but my idea of expanding my vocabulary right now is playing Bookworm Deluxe. Haha.

I turned 20 last Wednesday. So I’m older, and maybe wiser. But I’m definitely older. Being past my teenage years hasn’t sunk in to me yet, but that would probably be because my life got so boring I didn’t even feel like I was “young and carefree”. But what the hell.

What the hell.

(WTH counter =9)